You’ve come a long way, baby.

I haven’t typed in some of my passwords in so long that once my cache decides to kill itself, I’ll never be able to log in again.

Did my speech, blew the professor away. I have “the presence of a stand-up comic” and my sense of humour is “great”. Both, true stories.

I hate to admit it, but compliments give me a bit of a turbo charge. I was like Robin Williams for the next few hours, hairy and surely annoying the shit out of anyone who tried to get a word in. If there’s one thing I learned today, it’s that any witticism that bombs is easily revived by muttering “If you’re from Welland*, that’s a funnier joke.”

* Replaceable with name of your own quirky hometown

I also inspired some idiot to want to move to Toronto, which wasn’t the point (nor was it even close) at all. She’s the flighty daughter of a gypsy/Jehovah’s Witness (seriously), speaking Mother Goose rhymes in her space-cadet voice. She’s going to be eaten alive. But maybe then we won’t have to deal with her anymore. These Lose-Win situations always come up roses on my end of the bargain.