I love Crest Whitestrips because they make my skin look tan. I love the Colbert is God graffiti on a shitty building on Westchester more and more every time I see it. I don’t love it because it’s awesome, but rather because it seems so… wrong. Get Loose was arrested in Toronto. I wonder if he and Colbert is God are from rival gangs or the same posse. I use a powder brush from Bare Escentuals. It’s getting old and worn, and now reads BARF … Continue reading

Tonight I premiere the one-ended MSN conversation. [All responses have been removed from the conversation, even the great ones that I felt pained to have to let go of forever. Okay, except for one.] kris says:jumanji in africakris says:u like jumanjikris says:u like joe boxer?chief runingwater?kris says:jeep grand cherokeekris says:hahakris says:u like checkerskris says:i got checkerboard 4 ukris says:okris says:u like jet li on snakes ona plane?kris says:u use crest white stripskris says:jack chan eats fruitkris says:ya he does. u like obama?kris says:or hilary stickskris … Continue reading

I’d marry each and every one of you!

This past weekend, we were discussing work and school and life in general, and my dad said, “Aren’t you used to it?” I said, “I guess.” [Which is my reply to just about anything lately.] But you know, you never really get used to people shitting on you when you’ve done nothing to deserve it. And I know that’s typical; saying “I did nothing to deserve it”. But at least when I’ve done something to deserve it, I’m understanding of the reactions I get. What … Continue reading

…and I did it all through sheer avoidance!

I never want to be a leader. Especially not after (almost finishing) writing the most redundant paper I’ve written in a long while. End my life! Cell phone-MSN sucks. My alter ego is Turkey Sub. Kristin’s is Chunky Soup. We get along all right. We need someone to be 2% Milk. I’m sick of having the physical insides of a 55 year old man. (I don’t even think 55 year old women get the same kind of stomach problems and heartburn as I do.) I … Continue reading

Et tu, Bruteh!

Let’s pretend this was posted yesterday.Let’s pretend I can’t do HTML when I’ve been drinking all night, even though the above link clearly worked as it should have.Let’s pretend I wasn’t told I’d be sued by a guy who wanted to buy 12 cases of pop today when the limit at my store is 4 per person.Let’s pretend I’m not using Spellcheck and backspacing at the moment.Let’s pretend I didn’t drink 2 rum & cokes and one Kahlua mudslide tonight.Let’s pretend I am not watching … Continue reading

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