China’s not the same as Chinatown

It’s COLD. What is happening here! /mild freak-out A fat, dirty, slimebucketly man stole a Toblerone chocolate bar tonight at my store when he thought no one was looking. But I was looking. I was looking as he lifted the back of his unwashed windbreaker jacket and shoved the prism-shaped carton into the ass-crack of his filthy jeans. This was a chocolate bar his debit had declined moments earlier. He then walked up when he felt the coast was clear, and actually paid for a … Continue reading

Economic Peril

“Can I get $20 cashback?”“Yep. Oh… sorry, we don’t do cash advances” [as customer hands cashier her Visa]“Oh…. well my daughter wants to go to Starbucks.” [looks frustrated] [debit declines her extra $20] Maybe it’s time a few of us made some lifestyle changes. I mean, this recession thing’s not exactly new anymore. Share the post “Economic Peril” FacebookXShare… Continue reading

Carpus Maximus

I was standing at the gas pump at 7-Eleven just now, noticing my transaction was only up to about $3 when I’d been standing there for about as many minutes. An old man staggered out of the store and walked toward his car, looking at me rather suspiciously, as if to want to ask something. I said to him, “Did you find the pump was really slow?” Suddenly, gas station chaos ensued. Voices from behind every pump started cursing the crawling rate of gasoline flow. … Continue reading

Oh, DJ Jojo. Where are you when it’s not Saturday morning?

There’s this awesome guy in a yellow Corvette who circles the Falls some (all?) nights and, I imagine, pops one giant boner after another as people turn their heads to look at his car. The great thing is, Miklos and Pearl noticed him last year, and the guy still takes the same route around the Falls. He also looks around and around as he drives at an appropriate speed to make sure everyone is taking an envious glance at his high-performance ‘wheels’. This guy is … Continue reading

In the span of 25 minutes…

Walked in on a girl in the bathroom who was screaming hysterically at the toilet. She then told me I could use it, whereby I asked, “Um, is it working all right?” She then began to cry because she had just flushed her Motorolla RAZR down the toilet. Overheard a conversation about Dunnville while on the bus home. A girl told another girl that all they had in Dunnville was a bowling alley. The other girl then proceeded to ask the first what a bowling … Continue reading

And another thing.

Pretentiousness level: High Tonight at work, a woman with two young children approached the cash desk. Her son held a pack of gum in his hand. She noticed it, jerked it out of his hands, looked at the package, and loudly proclaimed, “Oh, NO! No no. It has sorbitol in it. You’re not getting that.” “Why not?” the child asked innocently. “Because sorbitol is bad for you.” And then, she instead bought 12 packs of Smarties, a bag of Gummy Worms, and a pack of … Continue reading

The Sun Will Not Hug You, in Toronto

When will you stop acting like high school? What happened? Did you get really bored of not being a catty douche? And expecting me to get up early so that you can roll your eyes at me in the comfort of your own home while you pretend you’re contributing to a project that’s been nearly finished by two other group members? That shows nerve, but not nerve enough to tell me what your problem actually is. Make like those immigrants I told off the other … Continue reading

Sometimes, things are funny. And sometimes, they are not. Maybe I’m just getting really old, but when what you’re mocking happens to be a giant part of someone’s life (with the exception of Scientology or Mormonism, because I have to lend myself to hypocrisy in one way or another), it’s time to fuck off. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just taking these ‘jokes’ too seriously, but I’d like to think that if one day I get engaged, or get a job across the planet, or … Continue reading

The Ghoul’s Ghouls Only Come Out at Night

Come on, Deb. Why do you do this to me? To yourself?? You don’t know me. Is it absolutely necessary that you ask me if I’m okay lately? Lately?? What are you comparing it to? The me you don’t know any other time of the year? The reason I sound abrupt and short with you is because you’re you. And that’s the same reason your roommates don’t like you much; because you’re you, not because you’re a girl and you’re white, as you’ve once claimed … Continue reading

They cried "The Union forever!"

We did mock collective bargaining today in Comp Admin, and my stars, did my face ever get red! And I would go as far as to say that I took it the least seriously of anyone. By the end of class, everyone was angry and exhausted and hating life. Ladies and gents, this is the glitz and glamour of the program I’m in. Throw us all into the bull pen together and we all come out maimed, hopes destroyed. * * * Some shifty guy … Continue reading

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